Money is more than just your bank account balance or the bills you pay. It’s a mirror reflecting your deepest beliefs about yourself. How often do you pause and reflect on this?
I encourage you to embark on a journey of financial self-discovery to:
- uncover the hidden narratives that shape your spending habits
- explore the emotional roots of your financial decisions
- develop strategies to detach from your financial story
- create a new relationship with your finances
Whether you’re struggling with debt, wrestling with overspending, or simply looking to cultivate a healthier relationship with money, this post will provide insights to help you rewrite your financial story.
Discovering Your Financial Story
Having an honest relationship with money requires work. In fact, it’s an unfolding of how you interact financially in all situations, learning the little nuances of how you use money to feel better about yourself. This could be by shopping, eating, boasting, or all of the above. This is what you have to look at to identify your financial story, as it’s what shaped your situation. It’s not just your knowledge of budgeting, but what drives you to spend? When you answer this question, don’t stop until you get to the core. You will know when you are there because it hurts, and you may not want to admit it to yourself or anyone else. Once you have done that, the healing starts.
Reflective Questions
Ask yourself these questions:
- Examine Your Overspending: Why did you choose to overspend? Be honest with yourself.
- Income vs. Expenses: If you didn’t make enough, ask yourself why. What’s holding you back from increasing your income?
- Self-Worth vs. Net Worth: Is your self-esteem tied to your bank balance?
- The Debt Cycle: Being in debt is disheartening, especially when bills pile up. But without exploring how you got there, you risk repeating the cycle.
- Emotional Highs and Lows: Notice how you feel when your account is full versus when it’s low. Does your mood fluctuate with your balance?
- The Magic Number: Is there a specific amount in your account that makes you feel better about yourself? What happens emotionally when you drop below it?
Personal Reflection: The Whole Foods Experience
One of my realizations was the way I felt when I shopped at Whole Foods. It brought me so much pleasure to see someone with a small green basket and look at my full cart overflowing with groceries. My justification was, “It’s for the health of my family.” However, what was happening was that I enjoyed that I could afford to buy everything at Whole Foods because it was expensive and made me feel like I had money to spare. But one day, I had to take a hard look at my grocery bill. I had to stop, feel, and process what it meant to me as I was overspending and causing harm. This money could be used more wisely. I had to let go of the attachment to this identity and become the person with the green basket. At first, I used to feel embarrassed and then another story of not being good enough started playing in my head, which made me pause, challenge, and process until I could discard that story too.
Steps to Uncover Your Financial Story
- Journaling: Use journaling to help you dump all the thoughts, feelings, and ideas you have about money.
- Reflection: Use the journaling post to help you spot patterns of thinking that you can use as cues to help you break from the thoughts. This can help throughout the day, because the minute you hear any of these words, you can use a method to help you diffuse from the story.
- Challenge Your Thoughts: Again, use your journal and challenge your beliefs: where are these thoughts coming from? Are they yours or your parents? You carry stories of your parents with you, so it’s important to decipher whose story you are listening to. As Chan Master Sheng Yen reminds us, “There is nothing in your mind that you cannot put down.” (Yen,1987)
- Pause, Stop, Process: During the day, pause and listen. When you hear a thought, stop. Feel your body. Where in the body are you experiencing the thought? Process: this is key, as you can hone in on these sensations in your body and allow yourself to process; meaning feel the sensation without judgment, comments, or labels. Just feel.
Uncover Your Emotional Roots
Unveiling your spending habits is crucial, as it can help you monitor your expenses better. However, the life-changing question is understanding why you overspent and what led you to go beyond your means. If answered truthfully, you can make long-term changes. If you’re in debt, that’s just scratching the surface. The real journey begins when you dig deeper. As Thich Nhat Hanh says, “We imprison ourselves in our own distorted images of reality.” (Hanh, 2006)
Strategies for Emotional Uncovering
- Mindful Spending: Before making a purchase, pause and ask yourself, “What is this purchase satisfying? A need, want, or a feeling?”
- Emotion Tracking: Keep a log of your emotions alongside your spending. Look for patterns between your mood and your financial decisions.
- Childhood Money Messages: Reflect on the messages about money you received growing up. How do they influence your current behavior?
- Financial Mentoring: Consider working with a financial mentor who can help you uncover and work through deep-seated money beliefs.
Remember, working on recognizing the link between your state of mind and your finances is important. Exploring your relationship with finances and understanding what your finances mean to you is vital.
Analyzing Your Relationship with Money
The Numbers vs. The Narrative
Anybody can budget, but it’s not the numbers that matter. It’s your relationship with them. It’s why you spend the way you do. The causes, situations, feelings, thoughts about yourself, and the way others view you when you spend are what matters. This is how you change your circumstances.
Beyond Budgeting
Entering numbers on a budget and coming up with your conceptual budget is great, but what do you do when you overspend? The sincere analysis of these numbers will reveal your pattern. What made you spend money when you didn’t have it? That is what you want to reveal, and that’s when deep introspection comes into the picture.
Self-Reflection Questions
You need to be completely honest with yourself and recognize why you spend like you do. Ask yourself:
- Who do you want to impress?
- What is missing in your life that money fulfills?
- What story are you telling yourself about money?
Dig deep and be honest with yourself; otherwise, you will be in the same situation all your life.
It’s not about the money, it’s about you!
Mindful Reminder
Your financial story doesn’t define you. You have the option to redefine your relationship with money, but it begins with the willingness to introspect and uncover what lies beneath the numbers. Practice mindful breathing, use a method, and bring joyfulness into your unfolding to help you along the process. This requires you to be honest with yourself and truly allow yourself to be with your finances in a way that you may have never thought of. However, once you do, you will break the endless cycle and rediscover a new relationship with your finances. The pen is in your hand–what’s your next chapter going to be?
Seeking Help
If you are depressed, anxious, or have panic attacks, find a health professional who can help you.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National can provide free referrals. They are open 24/7, 365 days a year.
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts and need immediate assistance call 911, otherwise, please call or text 988. If you prefer to chat online, visit 988lifeline. The services are free, confidential, and they are open 24/7 to help you navigate difficult emotions.
Attend a Workshop
If you are interested in attending a live webinar on improving your relationship with your finances, please visit my events.
Related Posts
Hanh, T. N. (2006). Understanding our mind. Berkeley, CA: Parallax Press.
Yen, S. (1987). Faith in mind. Elmhurst, NY: Dharma Drum Publications.
Yen, S. (2008). The method of no-method. Boston, MA: Shambhala Publications, Inc.
The Sixth’s Patriarch’s Dharma Jewel Platform Sutra (Sure, H., Liang, Y., Huang, A., Shih, Y., Lew, M., & Verhoeven, M.J. Trans.; 4th ed.). (2014). Buddhist Text Translation Society.
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