Why ask for help if you are holding on to treasures? 5 things you can do now if you are a hoarder

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When I was a child, my father often said, “You never know when you might need something.” This phrase rings in my ears sometimes and makes it difficult for me to stick to a minimalist lifestyle. I struggle with sewing items, as our conversations were around this topic. However, I’ve learned to focus my attention on keeping things that are practical and bring me joy. As a result, I’ve been able to maintain a clutter-free home.

Hoarding disorder (HD) can creep up on you as it develops over time and may not be as easily detectable. Research states it affects 2–4% of people around the world. The percentage increases for people over 60 and people with other psychiatric diagnoses, especially anxiety and depression. (American Psychiatric Association, 2013)

Here are 5 things you can do now if you are a hoarder:

Where are you on the hoarding scale?

1. Reflect

How do you feel? Are you minimizing where you are in this picture? If so, challenge the attachment to these possessions and explore what they mean to you? Studies suggest people hold on to possessions because possessions are seen as a part of the self and getting rid of them is like losing a close friend. They serve as meaningful reminders of important past events. (Yap & Grisham, 2019) If this is true for you, how else can you maintain a close relationship with yourself and remember important events? Another reason is that possessions are valued as a source of comfort and security, and are used to manage stress and other difficult emotions. (Yap & Grisham, 2019) Introspect and consider if you find security or if they are a source for managing stress. If so, seeking professional support could provide long-term healing.

2. Accept 

Recognizing something is happening is an important part of helping yourself. Pay attention to your inner voice. Is it justifying your actions as you read this? Process your emotions, then assess your home for necessary changes. Remember, you don’t have to do it alone. There are therapists, cleaning companies, and support groups who can assist you through the process.

3. Commit to change

Consider how your relationships with family, friends, and yourself would change if you reduced your belongings. What would that look like? It’s possible for the quality of your life could change for the better. However, this transformation will require your commitment to seeing this project to completion. Your situation developed over time, and it will require dedication and effort on your part to change it. Remember, you have the option to declutter gradually and with help. 

4. Take action

Taking action requires addressing the emotional attachment. It’s difficult to let go of items with sentimental value. Instead of viewing your belongings in their entirety, try examining them individually to identify the source of the attachment. It may surprise you to discover that an item you thought you could not part with is no longer emotionally charged. Once you have identified the attachment, you can determine whether you can release it. Do not be concerned if all of your possessions fall into the category of “unthinkable.” The following exercise will help you recognize the attachment, release it, and perhaps discard the item:

Create piles in the following manner:

  • Maybe
  • Troublesome
  • Unthinkable

Start with the “maybe” pile and pick up one object and begin analyzing what it means to you. 

  • Listen to your thoughts. What are they saying?
  • Listen to the story tied to it. 
  • Think of letting go of the item.
  • Challenge your thoughts as you think about letting go of it.
  • Is what you’re hearing true?
  • What would happen if you didn’t have the item?
  • Is it true?

Remember to always process the emotions attached to it by allowing yourself to feel what’s happening in your body. 

  • Where do you feel this item in your body? 
  • Feel what this inspires in you, without judging or labeling it as bad or good. 
  • What is this item fulfilling in your life and is there a way to find it elsewhere? 

If everything falls into the “unthinkable” category, don’t despair. Try practicing the above exercise with the items, so you can recognize the story surrounding your treasures and begin diffusing from your story. Once you do, you can process the emotions tied to them. In doing so, you will create space between your story, emotions, and the items themselves. If you can part with items, donate, lend or give to a friend. I have a client whose mother lent her friend a piece of furniture and whenever the friend refers to it, she says it’s the “mom’s” furniture.

5. Be patient

Be patient. This has not developed overnight, so it’s important to understand that it will take longer than you expect. You will have pitfalls along the way, which are an intrinsic part of the healing process. Be gentle with yourself and do not suppress or ignore the emotions that arise. If you become discouraged, remember to breathe and remind yourself it’s going to take time and effort, but it is doable.

Mindful Reminder

I can’t stress enough the importance of being patient, kind, and loving towards yourself during this process. Relinquishing items that provide a sense of comfort, security, or identity is challenging. However, it is equally important to focus on your well-being and the positive aspects of letting go, especially if safety is an issue or if relationships have been severed. Consider how your life will change for the better once you are free of the unhealthy attachment, and use that as encouragement to stay on course.

Seeking Help

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National can provide free referrals. They are open 24/7, 365 days a year.

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, please contact 988 for help. The calls are free, confidential, and they are open 24/7 to help you navigate difficult emotions. 

Attend a Workshop

If you are interested in attending a live webinar on improving your relationship with your finances, please visit my events.

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References